Serious Mysterious was a persona that I identified with at a very young age. Every love scene that I saw in a movie was a love scene that I hoped, I dreamed would happen to me. The first film that had a more dramatic affect on me than others was a film called RAD. The film was made in 1986 and it was about an intense young man who had set out to win an epic BMX race. It was deep. This intense guy was a bit of an outsider and the cool kids gave him a hard time until the night of the school dance. Where he rode in to the gym with this other outsider girl under a mirror ball and did what I interpreted to be a BMX love duet. Everyone who was at the dance that night, including the principal of the school was envious of them. As they BMX’d around the dance floor to Send Me An Angel by Real Life I decided that this was how I would meet my soulmate, my knight in shining armor. I also decided that I needed to learn all of those BMX tricks so that I would be ready for him when he rode up to the gymnasium at one of our dances. I started stealing my brothers BMX bike and attempting all sorts of tricks that I had seen on a television screen once. From pop a wheelies to putting my two big toes in between the spokes of my front wheel because I saw it once in that film, I was convinced that the wheel would keep turning. I was wrong. The bike flipped me over the front of it and I had a rather significant moment staring up at the sky while I caught my breath. Not to mention the loads of princess bandaids and polysporin my mother went through covering my wounds of the day. Skidding through a puddle is more complicated than one would think.
My knight in shining armor never did show up at any of my school dances. I did dunk a boys sneakers in a mud puddle once…turns out that wasn’t a good way to flirt either. I blame Punky Brewster for that! I got caught up in the idea of being my favorite character of the moment through watching films and t.v. shows like every other kid. Whatever character Molly Ringwald was playing – I was her. Especially in Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. I wanted to be one of the kids in the Goonies, and I wished that I had a pet like Falkor from The NeverEnding Story. I had so many ideas about the way that I would fall in love, how the whole scenario would play out, what he would look like, the list would go on and on. Remember how much fun it was to daydream? To dance to your favorite love song, singing your heart out no matter how unfortunate the sound was… Remember how exciting it was to be giddy and nervous and actually allowing yourself to be as you were instead of trying to be cool. I remember. I had SO much fun. If only dating and falling in love were that simple.
I find it fascinating that when someone has a broken heart, the first thing they ask a friend is, ‘What is wrong with me?’ The friend always replies with a sincere smile, ‘There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You just haven’t met the right person, and you deserve that and more.’ You thank your friend, a hug is exchanged and then you lock yourself to the confines of your bedroom listening to the most morbid song that triggers you at the moment on repeat while doing spooky renditions of what you were close to announcing as your new love poem. There are repetitive thoughts that your friend is probably lying to you. The replay of the breakup scenario is zooming through your mind faster than a movie on fast forward. The truth is my friends no one is lying. There are so many people searching for love. We are all in the same boat. I have no advice accept fall in love with yourself first. When you do, that is when love will meet you.
” All these years I’ve been searching for an impossible love.”
Marguerite Duras
Written By
Jessica Hinkson
From Yoga To High Heels 