Before I Sleep

images-45If it’s
The truth
That’s all I know
I look for you
And just say
I know
The lie
That was
Is now
The last
I’ll go
For you
Before I sleep
I hear you say
You say
I stay
Near the edge
And waste my time
Just waste my time

~ Mazzy Star

What Must I Do Before I Die?

images-40At this exact moment, that seems like a loaded question to ask myself. I have been teaching yoga for five years and one of my very first students, Bill, just passed away. In a time of reflection I have realized that you really don’t know how much impact someone has on your life as well as you on someone else’s.

I remember the first time that Bill attended my Yoga class. He was new to Yoga; new as in it was his first class ever. However, I was also new because I at that time had just graduated from doing my Yoga Teacher Training, we were new together.

He had an amazing witty sense of humor. In fact, I use to call him The Troublemaker. He would show up and say, ‘What have you got for us today?’  The other students in the class would laugh because as you do in my classes, everyone gets to know one another, and at times it seems like more of a social gathering than Yoga.

images-29Bill was a family man who loved his daughters very much. He would show up to class with his daughter and then off they’d go for their frequent father/daughter dates. I always thought to myself how cool, how special it was that a father and daughter would come to practice together. What a unique bond. He was so very kind, always with a smile on his face.  Bill was a man full of life, who soaked up every moment. I thank him for being my student, and for trusting me when I had no idea what I was doing.

A week later I found out that my dear friend lost his husband unexpectedly. He was a wonderful, charismatic beautiful man. I hope that he is dancing in the stars, kissing the sun, and hugging the moon wherever he is.

images-43So what is the answer to this question as I tell you about the loss of two great people who impacted my life?

I am reminded that life is short. That no matter how much control we think we have; we don’t. Life is unpredictable. What can I control? I can be responsible for myself as a human being.  I can choose to act with integrity in an authentic way leaving petty emotions where they belong, which is in nothingness. I can choose to find my happiness. Instead of saying I want to do this or I wish I could. I am going to do it. Whether it is telling my parents that I love them or traveling to India like I’ve been saying I’m going to do for years. There are so many things that I want to do in my life. I want to make an imprint. I want to make a difference.

images-15I’ve learned that we should all live the life that we want to be in love with now. Love the people, your people who you refer to as your righteous posse. Your path is for you. Get on it and design your story because no one can do it like you. There is, no other you.

images-24Written By

Jessica Hinkson


images-41“Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no whenever you don’t want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you’re doing here. Believe in kissing.”

~ Eve Ensler

Mapless Wilderness of Love

images-32We are born to love as we are born to die, and between the heartbeats of those two great mysteries lies all the tangled undergrowth of our tiny lives. There is nowhere to go but through. And, so we walk on, lost, and lost again, in the mapless wilderness of love.

~ Unknown

Hope, Love, & Forgiveness

Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime. Therefore, we are saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; Therefore we are saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone. Therefore we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own; Therefore we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves. People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth.

~ Reinhold Niebuhr


Sugar Lady Blue

Sugar Lady Blue / In The Nights Swimming In Her Pillow Her Tears Go To / Lost In Her Thoughts About The Past, The Present, The Future; She Fears From Her View / Hurt Not To Be Hurt / She Got Lost So She Worked / Reaching High / Dreaming Big / This Light Shines On The Sun Like It’s The Last Glory Dig / Purge From Her Soul / She Yearns To Find Home /

Please Don’t Leave Me / Give You Her A Chance See / In The Flowering Fields Our Eyes Light As The Day / We See / We Be / You See / You Be /

Sugar Lady Blue Alone Most Nights / The Sky Star Grey She Wonders Of Wonders / In Her Wine Glass She Can’t Find The Answers / A Memory Of Touch / A Memory Fitting So Right / She Wanders Through Her Head From Morning Til Night /

Please Don’t Leave Me / Give You Her A Chance See / In The Flowering Fields Our Eyes Light As The Day / We See / We Be / You See / You Be /

Grass Hugs Talking / Spoon Love Rockin’ / The Meadows Our Magic / Your Hold Incapacitated / Daily, Sugar Lady Blue Remembers The Feeling / She Lies In A Yearning / How Is Life So Full Of Learning / She’ll Wash The Dishes In A Distant Hollow / One Chore To The Next / An Automatic State Is Her Arrest /

Please Don’t Leave Me / Give You Her A Chance See / In The Flowering Fields Our Eyes light as The Day / We See / We Be / You See / You Be /

Dancing in the wind~ Jessica Hinkson

My Song

This song of mine will wind its music around you,
my child, like the fond arms of love.

The song of mine will touch your forehead
like a kiss of blessing.

When you are alone it will sit by your side and
whisper in your ear, when you are in the crowd
it will fence you about with aloofness.

My song will be like a pair of wings to your dreams,
it will transport your heart to the verge of the unknown.

It will be like the faithful star overhead
when dark night is over your road.

My song will sit in the pupils of your eyes,
and will carry your sight into the heart of things.

And when my voice is silenced in death,
my song will speak in your living heart.

~Rabindranath Tagore


Observe and Let Go

Since your feelings may be oscillating back and forth, it might seem easier for you to deal with your emotions by hiding from the rest of the world. Learning to watch your emotions with detachment today could help you cope with these fluctuations better. You can take a few minutes every hour during the day to watch each inhale and exhale of your breath. Once your breathing becomes even you may consider imagining that you have a marquee in your mind on which your thoughts float. As you watch your thoughts, you might want to name them, such as anger, happiness, fear, etc. Observing your thoughts in this way may help you realize that your mind is always changing and, because of this, your moods do not have to depend on your thoughts.

Dancing in the windNaming our emotions allows us to see that since they vary constantly, we do not have to get wrapped up in them. The times when we are moody occur because we pay attention to our mood swings and let them direct how we feel. Seeing that every second our thoughts and emotions incessantly change, however, enables us to release the hold they have on us. Realizing that our thoughts do not have to define our moods helps us feel more secure, grounded, and at ease with them. By detaching from your emotions today, you will discover that true comfort rests in letting go.

~ Author Unknown


Vintage LoveSing me to sleep / Sing me to sleep / I’m tired and I / I want to go to bed / Sing me to sleep / Sing me to sleep / And then leave me alone / Don’t try to wake me in the morning / ‘Cause I will be gone / Don’t feel bad for me / I want you to know / Deep in the cell of my heart / I will feel so glad to go / Sing me to sleep / Sing me to sleep / I don’t want to wake up / On my own anymore / Sing to me / Sing to me / I don’t want to wake up / On my own anymore / Don’t feel bad for me / I want you to know / Deep in the cell of my heart / I really want to go / There is another world / There is a better world / Well, there must be / Well, there must be / Well, there must be / Well, there must be / Well… / Bye bye / Bye bye Bye… /

Asleep by The Smiths

It has been a long cold winter, and although Spring is supposed to be here, it seems as though we are still a ways away from seeing her. It has been a complicated beginning to 2013 thus far for many people including myself. I felt like I was alone in my frustration, feeling down, only to realize once again that I am not alone. Once I began to reach out to a few people, I realized that although they are on their own journey, they too were facing their challenges.

Vintage I had not been saying anything to anyone because when I feel like this, I feel alone and overwhelmed. I don’t want to be exposed for fear of being hurt further. Like an animal, I seek protection, and find it in isolation. Only to find out that so many people are in fact experiencing the same thing. Some challenged through illness, through losing their jobs, a breakup, the loss of a loved one, not knowing where their life is taking them. The list could go on and on as to why I or you or any one person gets triggered. Then down the rabbit hole we go seeking safety. Some people would argue that isolation is not healthy. I disagree. I do think that there is such a thing as ‘healthy isolation.’ My space is sacred to me. I find solace in it. Getting on my yoga mat and practicing with my favorite teachers is also sacred. There, I find strength, contentment; a quiet mind. When I eventually crawl out of my rabbit hole I reach out to my community. When I say community, I don’t mean my neighbor or mailman. What my community is, is a small group that consists of people of whom I love unconditionally and in return who love me back. They are my constant as I am a constant for them. They do not define me. Though, they are my foundation for times when my feet float so high from the ground they bring me back down re-rooting me to the earth.

Vintage Friends” I have gone ahead – despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back.”

~ Author Unknown

From me to you. May there be lightness in your heart. A feeling of warmth to soothe you. A reassurance that you are loved.

Vintage BalloonsJessica Hinkson

On Love. Send Me An Angel.

Mirror BallSerious Mysterious was a persona that I identified with at a very young age. Every love scene that I saw in a movie was a love scene that I hoped, I dreamed would happen to me. The first film that had a more dramatic affect on me than others was a film called RAD. The film was made in 1986 and it was about an intense young man who had set out to win an epic BMX race. It was deep. This intense guy was a bit of an outsider and the cool kids gave him a hard time until the night of the school dance. Where he rode in to the gym with this other outsider girl under a mirror ball and did what I interpreted to be a BMX love duet. Everyone who was at the dance that night, including the principal of the school was envious of them. As they BMX’d around the dance floor to Send Me An Angel by Real Life I decided that this was how I would meet my soulmate, my knight in shining armor. I also decided that I needed to learn all of those BMX tricks so that I would be ready for him when he rode up to the gymnasium at one of our dances. I started stealing my brothers BMX bike and attempting all sorts of tricks that I had seen on a television screen once. From pop a wheelies to putting my two big toes in between the spokes of my front wheel because I saw it once in that film, I was convinced that the wheel would keep turning. I was wrong. The bike flipped me over the front of it and I had a rather significant moment staring up at the sky while I caught my breath. Not to mention the loads of princess bandaids and polysporin my mother went through covering my wounds of the day. Skidding through a puddle is more complicated than one would think.

Highschool DanceMy knight in shining armor never did show up at any of my school dances. I did dunk a boys sneakers in a mud puddle once…turns out that wasn’t a good way to flirt either. I blame Punky Brewster for that! I got caught up in the idea of being my favorite character of the moment through watching films and t.v. shows like every other kid. Whatever character Molly Ringwald was playing – I was her. Especially in Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. I wanted to be one of the kids in the Goonies, and I wished that I had a pet like Falkor from The NeverEnding Story. I had so many ideas about the way that I would fall in love, how the whole scenario would play out, what he would look like, the list would go on and on. Remember how much fun it was to daydream? To dance to your favorite love song, singing your heart out no matter how unfortunate the sound was… Remember how exciting it was to be giddy and nervous and actually allowing yourself to be as you were instead of trying to be cool. I remember. I had SO much fun. If only dating and falling in love were that simple.

I find it fascinating that when someone has a broken heart, the first thing they ask a friend is, ‘What is wrong with me?’ The friend always replies with a sincere smile, ‘There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You just haven’t met the right person, and you deserve that and more.’ You thank your friend, a hug is exchanged and then you lock yourself to the confines of your bedroom listening to the most morbid song that triggers you at the moment on repeat while doing spooky renditions of what you were close to announcing as your new love poem. There are repetitive thoughts that your friend is probably lying to you. The replay of the breakup scenario is zooming through your mind faster than a movie on fast forward. The truth is my friends no one is lying. There are so many people searching for love. We are all in the same boat. I have no advice accept fall in love with yourself first. When you do, that is when love will meet you.

Bohemian Love” All these years I’ve been searching for an impossible love.”

Marguerite Duras

Written By

Jessica Hinkson