Sing me to sleep / Sing me to sleep / I’m tired and I / I want to go to bed / Sing me to sleep / Sing me to sleep / And then leave me alone / Don’t try to wake me in the morning / ‘Cause I will be gone / Don’t feel bad for me / I want you to know / Deep in the cell of my heart / I will feel so glad to go / Sing me to sleep / Sing me to sleep / I don’t want to wake up / On my own anymore / Sing to me / Sing to me / I don’t want to wake up / On my own anymore / Don’t feel bad for me / I want you to know / Deep in the cell of my heart / I really want to go / There is another world / There is a better world / Well, there must be / Well, there must be / Well, there must be / Well, there must be / Well… / Bye bye / Bye bye Bye… /
Asleep by The Smiths
It has been a long cold winter, and although Spring is supposed to be here, it seems as though we are still a ways away from seeing her. It has been a complicated beginning to 2013 thus far for many people including myself. I felt like I was alone in my frustration, feeling down, only to realize once again that I am not alone. Once I began to reach out to a few people, I realized that although they are on their own journey, they too were facing their challenges.
I had not been saying anything to anyone because when I feel like this, I feel alone and overwhelmed. I don’t want to be exposed for fear of being hurt further. Like an animal, I seek protection, and find it in isolation. Only to find out that so many people are in fact experiencing the same thing. Some challenged through illness, through losing their jobs, a breakup, the loss of a loved one, not knowing where their life is taking them. The list could go on and on as to why I or you or any one person gets triggered. Then down the rabbit hole we go seeking safety. Some people would argue that isolation is not healthy. I disagree. I do think that there is such a thing as ‘healthy isolation.’ My space is sacred to me. I find solace in it. Getting on my yoga mat and practicing with my favorite teachers is also sacred. There, I find strength, contentment; a quiet mind. When I eventually crawl out of my rabbit hole I reach out to my community. When I say community, I don’t mean my neighbor or mailman. What my community is, is a small group that consists of people of whom I love unconditionally and in return who love me back. They are my constant as I am a constant for them. They do not define me. Though, they are my foundation for times when my feet float so high from the ground they bring me back down re-rooting me to the earth.
~ Author Unknown
From me to you. May there be lightness in your heart. A feeling of warmth to soothe you. A reassurance that you are loved.
Serious Mysterious was a persona that I identified with at a very young age. Every love scene that I saw in a movie was a love scene that I hoped, I dreamed would happen to me. The first film that had a more dramatic affect on me than others was a film called RAD. The film was made in 1986 and it was about an intense young man who had set out to win an epic BMX race. It was deep. This intense guy was a bit of an outsider and the cool kids gave him a hard time until the night of the school dance. Where he rode in to the gym with this other outsider girl under a mirror ball and did what I interpreted to be a BMX love duet. Everyone who was at the dance that night, including the principal of the school was envious of them. As they BMX’d around the dance floor to Send Me An Angel by Real Life I decided that this was how I would meet my soulmate, my knight in shining armor. I also decided that I needed to learn all of those BMX tricks so that I would be ready for him when he rode up to the gymnasium at one of our dances. I started stealing my brothers BMX bike and attempting all sorts of tricks that I had seen on a television screen once. From pop a wheelies to putting my two big toes in between the spokes of my front wheel because I saw it once in that film, I was convinced that the wheel would keep turning. I was wrong. The bike flipped me over the front of it and I had a rather significant moment staring up at the sky while I caught my breath. Not to mention the loads of princess bandaids and polysporin my mother went through covering my wounds of the day. Skidding through a puddle is more complicated than one would think.
My knight in shining armor never did show up at any of my school dances. I did dunk a boys sneakers in a mud puddle once…turns out that wasn’t a good way to flirt either. I blame Punky Brewster for that! I got caught up in the idea of being my favorite character of the moment through watching films and t.v. shows like every other kid. Whatever character Molly Ringwald was playing – I was her. Especially in Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. I wanted to be one of the kids in the Goonies, and I wished that I had a pet like Falkor from The NeverEnding Story. I had so many ideas about the way that I would fall in love, how the whole scenario would play out, what he would look like, the list would go on and on. Remember how much fun it was to daydream? To dance to your favorite love song, singing your heart out no matter how unfortunate the sound was… Remember how exciting it was to be giddy and nervous and actually allowing yourself to be as you were instead of trying to be cool. I remember. I had SO much fun. If only dating and falling in love were that simple.
I find it fascinating that when someone has a broken heart, the first thing they ask a friend is, ‘What is wrong with me?’ The friend always replies with a sincere smile, ‘There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You just haven’t met the right person, and you deserve that and more.’ You thank your friend, a hug is exchanged and then you lock yourself to the confines of your bedroom listening to the most morbid song that triggers you at the moment on repeat while doing spooky renditions of what you were close to announcing as your new love poem. There are repetitive thoughts that your friend is probably lying to you. The replay of the breakup scenario is zooming through your mind faster than a movie on fast forward. The truth is my friends no one is lying. There are so many people searching for love. We are all in the same boat. I have no advice accept fall in love with yourself first. When you do, that is when love will meet you.
My friend Andrew Ritchie asked me to be a guest on his blog. I of course said, ‘yes.’ In all honesty I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about until I sat down at my computer. I hope that you all enjoy it. Please stop by and check out Being An Artist – Making It Work.
”Art washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.” — Picasso.
Ho! / Hey! / Ho! / Hey!
Ho! / I’ve been trying to do it right / Hey! I’ve been living a lonely life / Ho! / I’ve been sleeping here instead / Hey! / I’ve been sleeping in my bed / Ho! / Sleeping in my bed / Hey! / Ho!
Ho! / So show me family / Hey! / All the blood that I would bleed / Ho! / I don’t know where I belong / Hey! / I don’t know where I went wrong / Ho! / But I can write a song Hey! / 1, 2, 3 / I belong with you, you belong with me / You’re my sweetheart / I belong with you / You belong with me / You’re my sweet / Ho!
Hey! / Ho! / Hey! Ho! / I don’t think you’re right for him / Hey! / Look at what it might have been if you / Ho! / Took a bus to China Town / Hey! / I’d be standing on Canal / Ho! / And Bowery / Hey! / Ho! / And she’d be standing next to me / Hey! / 1, 2, 3
I belong with you / You belong with me / You’re my sweetheart I belong with you / You belong with me / You’re my sweetheart Love ‒ we need it now / Let’s hope for some / So, we’re bleeding out I belong with you / You belong with me / You’re my sweetheart / I belong with you / You belong with me / You’re my sweet / Ho!
Hey! / Ho! / Hey!
Belonging. What exactly does that mean? Some people have moments in their lives through an experience where they feel like they do belong, and some have found communities. Some have found it through love. Some still searching. I watched the Golden Globes the other night as did millions of other people. What interested me, what surprised me the most, was how the show had left me feeling. I felt validated by the end of the show. I realized, I was reminded, as people were giving their acceptance speeches once again that I am not alone. I learned that no matter what the amount of success is that one has, however you yourself defines’ success, that everyone struggles. That we all want to belong, to be accepted as much as anyone else. A consistent theme throughout the evening was, ‘Thank you for making me feel like I belong.’
I have been having long conversations with close friends about feeling hopeless, feeling that their dreams won’t ever come true. That being seen for who they really are and what they have to offer to the arts will dissipate to nothing. I belong in that category too. So, what is it that we have to do to reach those goals. To make our hopes and dreams a reality. I come back to community.
Community for me isn’t the definition found while searching google; community for me is what I, what you make it. Who are the people that you trust? The ones you love most. Who is it in your life that would be there for you, who accepts you unconditionally for who you are? Who makes you feel light? Who makes you feel whole? Vulnerability is beautiful when in the right company. When you do figure it out – that is who your community is. Hold those people close. Be cautious. Protect your heart. They help us stay strong. They help us feel like we can conquer whatever it is that we need to conquer. When our hearts are broken, they are the ones who pick up the broken pieces. They take care of us. They know all our darkest secrets and love us more for it. True friendship, true companionship is a gift. Find it. Embrace it.
My friend Kate Drummond is the creator of A Jock’s Guide To Cooking. A Jock’s Guide To Cooking is a Real Reality Cooking Show that has teamed up with KidSport Ontario. Kate was an elementary school teacher for sometime before she decided to pursue her dream of acting. She is also a jock who is passionate about food, but not so skilled in the kitchen. The show is above and beyond hilarious! Kate is charming and fun. So, when she messaged me asking if I would be the guest blogger for January, I jumped at the opportunity and of course said, ‘YES!’ This story I am about to share with you is one of my favorite childhood memories. Be sure to stop by A Jock’s Guide To Cooking, and check out Prinkle, Prinkle.
I hope you enjoy it! Much love and namaste.