It’s still technically the beginning of a new year. The possibility to create possibilities is as fresh as a Saskatoon berry pie! I want things to happen this year, which is why I thought it would be great to start off the year with a self-help workshop.
The workshop I attended went how a lot of self-help workshops go; On the first day I almost didn’t show up, I was definitely out way too late the night before, and when I got there all I did was judge everyone. I decided that I had nothing in common with any of the attendees not to mention that I had no idea what these so called leaders were talking about, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why my so-called friends thought I would benefit from something like this. I even shared these thoughts with one of the leaders. Let me tell you-I did not get the reaction I wanted, which was to be sent home because I was self-help cured! I came back the next day, I couldn’t get my deposit back so I figured I might as well be there. That morning I got my butt whooped in the best way possible! I cried, I thanked them, I threw my arms up in the air surprised but relieved for this valuable lesson I had learned about myself, I was saved! It was now the best workshop I had ever attended.
The next evening was a closing to the weekend slash graduation. I decided to wear a dress. It was a vintage button up floral dress, I put on makeup seeing as I looked like death swarmed over all weekend. It was time to bring out the pretty. I arrived, the leaders that I once hated embraced me in their arms, I was on top of the world! I was walking through the crowd in to the ballroom, where there were 500 people. Some smiled at me, l smiled back, my shoulders back and my head held up high. I found my seat, as I sat down, I looked down to place my bag. That was when I realized that the button up dress had un-buttoned itself, and my girls were fully exposed. I mean I had a bra on, but I quickly figured out why warm smiles from everyone quickly turned to WTF expressions on their faces. I buttoned up my dress. Once again I tried to make a lasting impression; which I was obviously successful at, it just happened to be the wrong lasting impression or so I thought.
As I was sitting through the evening I thought about a recent chat I had had with my agent. He asked if I had taken pole-dancing classes because of an upcoming commercial audition. I had secretly been thinking about obtaining a new skill and since I had heard so many actress’s were taking these classes, I decided to do some investigating, found a gym that had a 30-day special and signed up. I went to two classes, I should have only gone to one. I fell, slipped, tripped, slid down to the ground, in every way possible. Being a stripper extraordinaire turned out to be an extraordinary disaster.
So I did what any smart young woman would do; I didn’t show up to another class. I told my agent with dignity in tact that I did not do those sorts of auditions, he of course had no problem with that and thank god did not ask any questions.
These are embarrassing moments sure, but in between those moments were some great wins, and there were some possibilities created. As humiliated as I was about my dress popping open, like that hasn’t happened to so many others?! The fact that the only way I will appear as a pole dancer is in a tragic comedy…well that’s not how I planned to make my debut, but how many things in life turn out the way we plan them to?
I’ll let you in on a little secret, I think I am hysterical which is why I laugh at myself all of the time now. Being Serious Mysterious in my younger years was not so mysterious. I am first and foremost a human being and if we were to sit around a campfire one night sharing stories I can guarantee your stories wouldn’t be so different from mine. Thank goodness for that, because when I think I’m alone or you do, remember you are not. We are all human beings trying to figure out what being a human being is. Which is why I am leaving you with this quote: Namaste warriors.
“We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are, when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.
In this way, our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world, but to un-glove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold, and the car handle feels wet.
As you breathe, let each breath undress your being – of attitude, of mood, of history.”